Fantasizing During Sex

Ever fantasize during sex? See another man in your mind's eye while with your husband or lover? Imagine a stranger touched you? The sexy new neighbor? Your boss?

Ever wonder just how many women do? Think you are part of a minority and that revealing this dirty secret would be like admitting you cheated?

Studies have shown that more than 80 percent of women fantasize during sex. So, relax! You're not alone. You've just discovered what many women have. Sometimes, we need a little something extra to help us over that edge. We have so much on our minds -- children, work, bills, schedules -- that we have to detach from our world to achieve sexual release. And, yes, your man, as much as you love him and consider him a hunk, is part of that world.

All day, women play by the rules. I can see you shaking your head and almost hear you saying, "Not me." You do. Are you a mother? When you get those kids to school 'on time' and drop them off, how many times do you feel that tiny stab of panic? Did you fail to sign a permission slip and thus doom your child to miss a coming field trip? Was there money due for books, a bake sale, or school boutique and now, 'because you failed', your child will have to sit and watch the other children, the ones whose mothers remembered? What about work? You dress the part, work harder than most of the men in an attempt to strip away that ever-present idea that a man can do your job better. How many of us are lucky enough to have husbands who make sure the pantry isn't bare? How many of us have men who don't come home, eat what we cooked, then hit the couch while we clean, help the kids with homework, and finish that load of laundry. Who keeps track of the birthdays in the family? The holidays? Those special occasions that demand a call? If your son missed the final signup day for a sport, who is blamed? Your husband may be pushing to get his son on the football team, but you are usually the one keeping track of the calendar. Your boyfriend wants you to meet his friends. Did you get that upper lip waxed? Will you have a chance tomorrow?

And so, at the end of the day, when your mind is tangled up with the next day's tasks, you close your eyes and feel your boyfriend/husband's hand creep up your thigh. That touch reminds you that his suit is in the cleaners and he expects to wear it to a dinner meeting tomorrow night. Panic. His finger slips under the crotch of your panty or thong. It feels good, but is joining hands with your subconscious in a 'don't forget the suit' chant. He raises your nightgown. Sucks your nipple into his mouth. The kids! Did you make sure they had clean socks for school? A nibble on your ear, and you remember that the bill for those new earrings was due yesterday. Forget the earrings, your car payment is due. Was it tomorrow? Last week? You start balancing your checkbook.

Get the idea? Sometimes, when life's endless tasks get in the way, you have to detach for a little sexual release. The man with you is too close to all those things you so need to forget. But that hunk who smiled at you while you waited at the traffic light isn't. You'd never cheat on your husband with your new neighbor, the man is a bore, but he sure has a tight ass and huge muscles. You close your eyes and lose yourself. That stranger has no connection to the woes and worries of your life.

Another benny? If you want to be tossed over his lap and spanked, you don't even have to ask or worry that he will look at you like you're nuts. As soon as the idea enters your mind, that fantasy hunk will play out any decadent fantasy you can manifest.

So, fantasize during sex. Release yourself. In a way, you will also help your man. He'll know when you are balancing that check book. Believe me. And he might know when you are fantasizing. Maybe, if you are really daring, you can whisper your fantasy in his ear and turn the night in to one of wild role playing. But beware! It's addicting.

Do you fantasize? Have a favorite one you'd like to share?

Anal About Anal Sex

Dear Doreen,
My husband wants to have anal sex. We tried once but it hurt too much and I stopped him. He keeps bugging me to try again but I'm scared.
Just sign me "Anal about Anal Sex"

Dear Anal about Anal Sex,
You're not alone in your fears. Many women are intrigued by the idea of anal sex, but either had painful experiences in the past--like yourself--or are afraid that it will hurt. Anal sex should never be something you plunge into! There are ways to prepare your body for this new intrusion but they take time and patience on both sides.
Start out by letting your husband rub his lubed finger around your anus during oral sex. The lube I'd recommend is Anal Eze. This is specifically for desensitizing your anus enough to take away the mild pain of something touching your virgin flesh but not the pleasure. Get used to feeling him touching you there before moving towards him delving deeper. He can start with his pinky and work his way up to longer fatter fingers over time. When I say time, I don't mean minutes. I mean nights! Before long, you'll always want his finger in you during sex. Yes, it feels that good!
Now you are ready to move forward!
Many items on the market nowadays can help you loosen and stretch your anus. Butt plugs are not just for fun. They come in various sizes for a reason. The smaller, slender ones are best for the beginner. Try using this a few times. Buy lube and glob it on. You may find that you no longer need or want the Anal Eze, but you must lube. I'd also advise using a vibrating butt plug the first time. The vibrations will relax you and have you coming before you know it! Give each size time as you work your way up to the bigger sizes. You don't want to rush this.
Once YOU feel ready, take that butt plug out of your husband's hand and let him know that you're ready for the real thing.
A word of caution: Whenever you put anything into your anus, you should stop if you feel real pain. I'm not talking about that yummy burn. I'm talking pain. Also, condoms are the best way to avoid stds and infections. Wash all your toys and your lover's finger and/or cock afterward.
And remember,
if it feels good, it ain't bad!
Doreen Orsini
To have your question answered, post it in a comment or email Doreen at doreen.orsini @ yahoo.com (no spaces).

Welcome!

Welcome to the newest, hottest sex advice blog on the internet. I'm Doreen Orsini, the author of Erotic Romances such as NO ONE BUT MADISON, HUNTING DIANA, and TANNER'S ANGEL. As an author of erotic romance and an obssessed researcher, I thought I'd offer my experience to the public. Often my readers ask questions regarding their sex lives. This blog is for all who need advice or are just plain curious about certain kinks they've heard about. If I can't answer your question, I'll find someone who can. Questions I answer will be chosen randomly from comments posted or emails sent to me via the link at the side.

For my first post, since we have yet to accumulate any questions, I'm going to repost a previous article of mine from SUITE.

Uniting Man and Toy by Doreen Orsini

There are those who believe they must pack up their treasured toys when they finally find “The One” or even “The One for Now.” They polish and kiss their shiny bullet adieu, tenderly wrap their Jack Rabbit in tissue paper so its ear won’t bend, and wipe away a tear as they carry the box of vibrating, titillating toys to the attic or trash. Happy that those lonely nights and mornings are over, they nonetheless admit that no man can gyrate, buzz, or expand and contract like their favorite toy. No man can stimulate those vaginal nerves while his woman stands on line at the grocery store. For a kiss each morning and night or a love no toy can ever replace, most women will take out those batteries and store them for use in a more practical device.

And then there are those of us who refuse to give up the electric boyfriends who made them scream in shock when one orgasm converged into another, and another, and another. They stick out their chins and demand that men agree to share with those buzzing guys who resided there before them.

Most men can barely keep their zippers from busting open when confronted with the prospect of bringing their partner to orgasm by toy alone or buzzing that hotspot during sex and sharing the limelight. There is no man vs. toy. There is no fear of coming up short when confronted with today’s battery powered wonders.

Of course, size is a consideration when offering up this treat to a new lover. A woman does not want to hold out in her palm a dildo that dwarfs the less-then-average penis. Or--do I even have to mention this--demand a man who spent most of his life listening to pencil jokes pleasure her with an ultra-fat vibrator. As for stamina...never imply you need a toy because your man can’t keep his horse from charging out of the gates before the race even started.

There are ways to entice those few men who swat away all attempts to bring the toy box out of the attic. Talk is cheap. Tell your man about your toys of old. Set the mood while you describe how you would buck and moan and scream. Explain in painful--well, painful for him--detail how you would slide the shiny bullet in as deep as it would go, how you’d torture yourself by adjusting your Jack Rabbit’s controls, and how you’d love to watch his face as he controlled your favorite toy.

Didn’t work? Take another route. Make up a friend whose husband is a veritable toy slut. Wistfully recount wicked tall tales of nights this imaginary man spent pleasing your imaginary friend with toys you just happen to own. Describe in detail. I can not emphasize this enough. Explain how much the man enjoyed it, how having control turned him into an animal, a young stud, a raging bull. Then giggle and add how many toys this imaginary he-man broke when he lost control, threw them aside, and took solitary residence in the saddle.

No luck? Time to turn your toys on your man. Start off slow. He is a virgin after all. Hide that buzzing bullet until he’s entered that euphoric high while you’re pleasuring him then slip it under your hand or alongside your lips. Remember, you are dealing with a virgin. Set those controls to the lowest vibrations. Maybe he won’t notice until it’s too late. Sorry, but drastic times call for drastic actions. This leads me to my next option if even this fails to entice your man into sharing you with your old pals.

I like to call this the planned “Oh-No-You-Caught-Me.” A week before a regular night or day your man usually has to work or hang with the guys, ask him on numerous occasions if he’s sure he won’t be home that day. Ask again as he leaves exactly what time he’ll be home. Maybe even request he call before he starts the drive home. If he asks why, merely shrug and say you were just curious. Get those jealous juices running. Chances are he’ll sneak back home early. You must be ready. That favorite slinky teddy he drools over would help. I advise you use a Butterfly or other clitoral vibrator for this, preferably one with a remote he can control. This is the best toy to snag a man’s interest in toy play. He still has a nice view of the finish line and he can take control.

Notice how often I used the word control in this article? There is a reason for that. Men love holding the reins. This is one of the major obstacles facing women who want to share their toys with their men. The man fears that he will only be a spectator as some gadget controls his woman. Ok, some men like sitting back and watching. Some, only occasionally. But there are those who have to be in control and they are the ones most likely to turn you and your toys down. So, give them the remote and let them decide how strong those vibrations are and how many times you’ll come. Life could be worse. You could come home one day and find your man and toys have moved on without you.

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